Belinda’s Blog

Happy New Year everyone! I am hoping that it will be a good one for me/us. I really NEED a good year. I am looking forward to spending most of January eating healthy and having lots of time to relax and to feel rested and back to normal as much as possible.

I skipped the party/dinner tonight. I have had a very emotional afternoon and feel quite down and tired, so Steven went on our behalf. Hopefully ppl will not be angry and understand.

Hope you have a fun night, whatever it is that you are doing!

OK, I wonder if anyone else will find this amusing.

With the arrival of the new lounge suite, we temporarily moved the old lounges into one of our other living rooms, which is basically the music room/study.

Today, to be able to walk around better in there, I arranged the lounges, as yesterday in a rush we just kinda threw them in there and left them.

Today, Steven heads in and sees what I’ve done. He then proceeds to tell me that the room now looks much betterand homely and now he’s seen the lounges in there, he thinks we shouldn’t sell them, but keep them

LOL!

I can see his point in a way. However, the reason we never furnished that room yet was because we were busy doing up others. We may not get to that one until end of yr or next year. I want lots of shelving in that room and a chaise (not a chaise lounge, just a chaise) near the fireplace. Steven thinks that in the meantime we should just leave the couches in there. We will prob still try to sell them, but if we don’t have any luck, we will keep them (well maybe 4 of the 5 seats), but the colour /fabric doesnt match with things, so if we kept them we would get reaupholstered in a suede I think (cloth is murder with dogs). Still, if we do that, it may mean we get the tri-fold door that I want sooner than later.
I dont’ think that lounge set will get used very often but it does make the room look more complete.

Funny how one change sparks a bunch of other things going huh?

…is such GREAT therapy! I don’t know what it is that gets me, but I just get so happy and such a sense of relief and achievement when I clean.

Today I sat and spent about 2 hrs going thru our CDs and DVDs. We have so many and a lot of them we just never listen to or think about. So I went through and put them into piles – keep, throw and ‘maybe’. There is now room to spare in the CD cabinet and the DVDs just fit. Before it was starting to turn into chaos and mess and I hate mess and don’t like hoarding stuff. I can’t even be bothered trying to sell or give them away. They are going to be trashed.

I gave the house such a great clean yesterday too – the floors shine

While Steven is painting etc this coming week, I’m going to attack other things to spring clean – guest room wardrobe, our shoe closet and god knows what else.

Lounge, from one angle.

New Lounge

Yup my new lounge OMG I love it. It frees up space in the room and it allows so much sprawling out room. The coffee table is going to be tossed and just 2 small end tables purchased as coffee tables when needed. Because the ottoman is huge it can do just fine with holding the remote and a paper etc. It’s very comfy and worth every cent and every second of major sweating we did in getting in the house ourselves! We rented a ute from Kennards so that we could go and get it today. The lounge part got in the door just fine, but the chaise section was too long and so had to be taken down the side of the house, up the stairs onto the decking and in one of the back sliding doors. It sucked. But it’s now all but a distant memory

Will post pics later. Other lounge is sitting in one of our other living rooms until we sell it.

Well that’s how it seemed.

Arrived home around 1PM. Around 2:30, checked our home voicemail and there was message from the store we’d bought our new lounge suite from. We had been told due to Xmas and when we ordered, it would not be ready before mid-January at the very earliest, perhaps even early February.

So hearing the message(s) left was good news.

We quickly dropped everything, drove right to the store, envisioning having our lovely new chocolate leather 3 seater + chaise+ ottoman to laze on tomorrow or the day after.

About to hand over the final amount owing, we sort the delivery details out. No drivers working until January 14. So this was the ‘not so good’ news. The guy knew I was unimpressed when I said “You’re JOKING!”The tone of a not-so-happy Belinda came into action.
We did not want to pay a crapload of money to finalise payment for them to keep it for over 2 weeks in storeroom. Quick call to Dad, who can borrow the work ute next Tues when he returns after New Year’s holiday. 5 days to wait. A lot more bearable than 16! Still disappointing nonetheless. We may even check out utes for hire tomorrow with the slim hope of getting it even earlier if we can wing it.

Gotta love big corporations huh?

I write this from a motel on the mid-coast of NSW. Have travelled 7 & a bit hrs so far, with just under 4 more to do tomorrow.

Yes we are geeks, choosing a place that has wireless network, so we are not without internet for 24 hrs LOL.

I had a nice break away from reality while in QLD, but I’m glad to be heading home, so that I can learn to just adjust to my normal everyday life again, minus baby. I got quite sad when saying goodbye to my MIL this morning. We had a bit of a heart-to-heart and she specifically wanted to make sure that I take care of my emotions/mental health and that she knows it will take some time and more tears and dealing. With that, it brought it all to the surface and I started off the crying again. Ugh! 2 days and I think I’m doing great, then it sneaks up on me all over again. I just have to hope like hell that I get pregnant again fast. If nothing happens, I don’t know how I’m doing to deal with all of this. That is the one hope I’m clinging to go help get me through this.

I cannot WAIT to see my puppies! I’m practically counting the hours until early afternoon tomorrow when I pick them up from my parents’ place!

As for NYE, we were planning onjust being at home alone (as per usual), just struggling to stay awake (sad aren’t we? LOL!).
Now though my bro/SIL have invited the family over for a BBQ. Granted it probably won’t be a late night, but it will be something. Having said that though, I’m in 2 minds about going. I’m dying just to have some time alone and not feeling very sociable. But I will probably go in the hope it will keep my mind off things.

Tis our last night in sunny hot (let me emphasise the hot) QLD before we head south again.

It’s been a mixed time up here. It’s been happy and sad, it’s been social and it’s been isolating. It’s been really nice being back up here after quite an absence. It’s been good seeing the family and it’s been GREAT swimming and shopping.

But it’s time to head home to relax and spend time with the puppies and my family before January kicks in.

Tomorrow morning we shall head south and drive about 6.5 hrs, before staying overnight at a motel on the north coast. Shall arrive home sometime on Thursday afternoon.

NYE is shaping up to be a family affair, but I shall find out more details when we get home.

On a happy note, I’ve had no tears since Xmas Day, so even though I still have my cold & I’ve been resting a lot, mentally I am feeling a lot better (touch wood!).

Xmas Day. Usually I am the most Xmas-obsessed person you can find. I shop early, I decorate early, I anticipate the season with excitement.

Today, Xmas arrived and I didn’t wake early with excitement as per usual. I woke around 7, turned over and went back to sleep. I felt tired, I felt like skipping Xmas for the most part.

Eventually got up and ready for the BBQ breakky around 10am.

I’ve felt really weird today. Nice to be with a small group of family to celebrate, yet missing my own family and wishing I were home. Feeling happy yet sad, feeling spoilt with gifts, yet missing the one thing that no money or Santa can buy. I feel isolated, I feel sad and I feel myself at times slipping into a black hole. Just a little over a week after the m/c and ppl no longer ask how I am. Do they expect me to have forgotten and moved on already? I don’t think ppl realise the extent of the sadness I feel. It seems if I want to ponder it or grieve, I have to hide away and deal with it on my own. For those who have been thru this, I would love to know more about how you dealt with it and how long it took to deal with it. Given this preg took 54 mths to achieve, I figure the depth of my sadness and recovery could be different, but I’d love advice and support from anyone who has been thru this. I thought this Xmas was going to be the best ever. Instead, it feels I have nothing to celebrate

Having said that, Steven definitely tried really hard to put a smile on my face, knowing how sad I have been feeling. I got very spoilt – CDs, DVDs, Swiss chocs, another gift I cannot mention just yet, a shirt, my fave Armani perfume and some gorgeous red-stone earrings and some really nice open-toe shoes – and prob more I have forgotten! And the most touching card! I def married the most AMAZING man!!
From my in-laws, I received Dermalogica product (my fave), a nice purple wrap to wear over my bikini, a gorgeous green leather handbag and a DVD.

So yeah – I got very spoilt. I feel very loved.

Breakfast was yum and we are about to embark on a roast dinner.

In a nutshell, that was Xmas 2005!

Not a heap of happy words to be said at the moment, I’m afraid. I seem to have a dark storm cloud hanging over my head for a portion of each day. Tears seem to be flowing more and more often. A week in from the m/c, I thought things would be getting easier. So why is it harder?

To top it off, I have a bad headcold and a horrid chesty cough.

Combine all these elements and I’m sick, tired and emotional.

Hopefully the Carols tonight on TV will bring some of the happy Xmas spirit back into me (Anthony can always draw a smile out of me) and I’m hoping that I can get thru Xmas Day with minimal tears, some happiness and less of a head cold.

Still very hot up here. Going to treat myself to my fave Baskin Robbins ice cream today. To hell with the calories, I deserve it!

Not much else to write about at the moment.