The most depressing song in the universe has to be Janis Ian’s ‘At 17’. It should contain a medical warning, it’s bad enough sober, but after a few drinks it could be lethal, particularly if you have access to a firearm.

What’s remarkable about it, besides the subdued, don’t wake the neighbors or they will hate you’ way it is performed, is its lyrics dig the depths of unredeemed self pity. Not only does being 17 suck, it sucks because you suck, not only do you suck, but your friends suck…. And it will NEVER GET ANY BETTER.

Here are the lyrics, bracketed lines are my comments, make up your own mind:

I learned the truth at 17 That love was meant for beauty queens And high schools girls with clear skin smiles Who married young and then retired

The valentines I never knew The Friday night charades of youth Were spent on one more beautiful (Okay, fine, you are as beautify as the girl next door… where are we going with this..) At 17 I learned the truth

And those with ravaged faces Lacking in the social graces (Oh, okay, you really are a dog) Desperately remained at home Inventing lovers on the phone (A desperate dog)

Who call to say dance with me And murmured vague obscenities (A horny, desperate dog) It isn’t all it seems at 17

A brown eyed girl in hand me downs (Hmm, no wonder no one likes you, if this is how you describe your friends) Whose names I never could pronounce (Another mark that yes, you are a selfish loser column) Said ‘Pity please the ones who serve They only get what they deserve’ (It’s not just school that hates you, god is punishing you too)

And the rich relation hometown queen (And you are the loser of the family!) Who marries in to what she needs (Sob, everybody else gets stuff easy) With a guarantee of company And haven for the elderly

Remember those who win the game Lose the love they sought to gain ?? And dubious integrity

The small town eyes will gape at you In dull surprise, when payment due, exceeds accounts received. (And you are going to be an accountant!) At 17

To those of us who new the pain Of valentines who never came And those whose names were never called when choosing basketball (Ugly, selfish, depressing, lonely AND crap at basketball, where is that revolver?)

It was long ago and far away The world was younger than today And dreams were all they gave for free To ugly duckling girls like me (All they gave me were dreams and then THEY TOOK THEM AWAY) We all play the game When we dare To cheat ourselves, its all a dare

(Apathy. Is. crushing. Endorphins. Gone. Must. Die…..)

Thursday, December 15th, 2005 @ 9:30 am Technology
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